Thursday, June 2, 2011

Dear First Novel: It's Over

Dear First Novel,

Welcome to your new home!
I'm sorry. I just can't keep revising you like this. Sure, it was great in the beginning. I'll never forget the nights we spent curled up on the laptop until 4 in the morning. Remember how I told you we'd win the Pulitzer because I didn't know anything about book awards back then? Good times.

But I'm a different writer now. I know how to vary my sentence structure and frankly, all your sentences start with "I verb" and are five lines long. My agent says I need to try other genres. I want to experience short stories, maybe some verse. You know. Find myself.

What? No, I will not self-publish with you. God, you want me to throw away my writing career on the slim chance we'll get 300 readers on Amazon? No. No. What would my Twitter friends say if they knew I was still with you? Oh, it's all about you isn't it? Quit your job, Julia. Stop hanging out with your friends, Julia. I'll bring in all the money you need, Julia. You know what, First Novel? No one wants to read about pirate werewolves. You have a STUPID PREMISE. There, I said it.

Oh, no. Please...please stop crying. Look, I still love you. You'll always be my first novel. What we had was the purest joy I've ever known. And someday when I'm published, I'll take you out of the drawer and wonder what might have been if I'd known how to write when I was 19.

...Goodbye First Novel.
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12 comments:

  1. Kristine AsselinJune 2, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    You, my dear, are adorable. Poor sad first novel. :)

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  2. Julia DarceyJune 2, 2011 at 8:47 AM

    :) Don't feel sad for first novel. My wonderful boyfriend printed a bound copy of my first book for my birthday. So First Novel and I occasionally get together for lunch and I regale her with tales of how someday I'll edit her into awesomeness.

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  3. Rachel SearlesJune 2, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Hilarious :) I hope you really meant it when you said pirate werewolves.

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  4. AndrewJune 2, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Pirate werewolves? I might read that! That borders on awesome!

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  5. Julia DarceyJune 2, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    No it wasn't really, sorry! All embellishment. Although if I'm really hard up for the next book idea, I guess I know what to try, ha.

    My first novel was actually about a spoiled princess who loved ponies and had MIND CONTROL OVER DRAGONS. It was very very stupid.

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  6. Kimberlee TurleyJune 2, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    This is so funny because it's too easy to see myself having this conversation.

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  7. UnknownJune 2, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    Loved this post! It Definitely resonated with my feelings for the first novel that I tucked away in a drawer and those long, sweet goodbyes...

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  8. AnonymousJune 3, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    This is fantastic. My First Novel and I parted ways several months ago and while he'll always hold a special place in my heart, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved to see him go.

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  9. The Blogger GirlzJune 3, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Way to go. I wish I could drop my first novel, but so far I just haven't been able to bring myself to hit delete.

    -Aaron

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  10. ShalleeJune 3, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    The poor, dear first novel. I'll love it forever simply for being the first, but...yeah. You nailed it on the head.

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  11. KM NalleJune 5, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    I'm working on revising novel #1 too and I fear that our relationship will end a lot like yours. *sigh* It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all right?

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  12. Coreene CallahanJune 6, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Oh, I know how you feel. I had the exact same conversation with my first novel.

    Big wave from fellow JuNoWriNo writer!

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